Nothing Left to Lose
by lookingforthestars
Summary: Tomorrow morning, he would wake up and Paige would no longer be a part of his life.


**So that promo killed me. I started thinking about what might happen when Walter confesses to Paige that would still give them something to work through on the island, and this is what I came up with. I have no clue how they all end up on the plane together unless Paige rejoins the team, which would be fast (but I wouldn't be mad). That doesn't necessarily explain Ralph's presence, so who knows. I'm marking this as complete for now though I may continue if there's interest and I have enough ideas. The hiatus is so legitimately painful.**

This was it.

Tomorrow morning, he would wake up and Paige would no longer be a part of his life. In her month-long absence from the team, Walter took comfort in knowing that he would see her again. There was a solid, definite point at which their paths would cross. But that was over now. Happy and Toby were married, the music was winding down, it was getting late and Paige would be leaving soon. And there were no more guarantees as to when—or if—he'd get to enjoy her presence.

If he was lucky, she would drop Ralph off at the garage herself. Maybe go out to dinner with Happy. Pick up stray items from her desk, which Walter couldn't quite bring himself to touch. But there would be no more late nights finishing paperwork, no more dancing, no more trips to Kovelsky's. He wondered whether remembering every facet of those moments, now that he would no longer have them, was a blessing or a curse.

This was his choice. It seemed logical, then. His trust in Paige was shaken. Working next to her every day, her words echoing in his head, would make focus next to impossible. Scorpion would suffer. He would suffer. And his inability to process his emotions would cause her to suffer as well. So he arranged for her to move on, somewhere good. Somewhere better.

He should have been pleased that she _was_ moving on. But he wasn't. Three years he'd kept her at arm's length, believing that any attempt to get closer would only drive her away. He knew he would lose her. And he did.

 _Self-fulfilling prophecy._

"Hey." Walter started at her soft voice behind him. He wondered if it would continue to soothe him when he heard it in his head, or if it would hurt. Everything related to her seemed to hurt now. "Ralph wanted to say goodbye, but he couldn't find you. He's at the entrance."

The genius turned around, temporarily rendered speechless by her just as he'd been when she first arrived, and again during the vows, and again as she danced with Cabe and Sylvester and her son. She looked tan. He wondered if she'd been going to the beach. His eyes were lingering longer than they should on her bare shoulders, but Walter didn't care. He wanted to memorize every detail. Who knew how long it would have to last him?

"Okay." Paige didn't move immediately, and Walter was surprised by the spark of confidence that gave him. She'd stormed out so quickly after he terminated her. But that intense, confounding magnetic pull was still there. He stepped closer. "T-The wedding was nice. You did an excellent job."

She blew out a breath. "Thank you. It worked out better than I expected, considering the circumstances." That was somewhat of an understatement. The team was lucky to be alive, let alone all in one place and dressed appropriately. "We should get going. Ralph has classes in the morning."

"I know, j-just…" Walter wasn't sure what he intended to say. He was exhausted and so was she, the logical response would be to let her leave. But he was suddenly feeling very illogical. "I don't like what happened between us. I want to explain myself, if I can."

Paige raised her eyebrows, but she didn't respond. He took that as encouragement.

Walter swallowed, a truly alarming lump forming in his throat. "My memories of space were…difficult…to accept. T-To process. I understand the motivations behind your actions that day. I know you saved me. And you were the only one that could. That's a great deal of pressure." He looked down. "B-But it doesn't change the fact that you are, or, were my translator. You were the person I looked to when I couldn't understand something. You understood me, to a certain extent, and you understood the world, and you could bridge the two. But now…you lied to me. N-Not by keeping it from me, but what you said to me on the rocket. And everything you say to me now, it…it confuses me. I'm always going to wonder if you're telling me the truth, or if you're protecting me. And the cognitive dissonance that produces is too powerful."

There was a silence, the longest silence he'd ever seen from Paige, and then she crossed her arms in front of her, her thumb drifting over the exposed skin. It was eighty degrees outside. She couldn't be cold. "I won't apologize for saving your life. Or for doing what I thought was right to help you emotionally, even if I realize now that it wasn't. But I am sorry that I lost your trust. I know you don't give it easily."

"And I'm sorry. For the way that I handled things. I wasn't trying to p-punish you. I honestly thought…that it would be best for you. Best for both of us."

Paige dropped her arms, a humorless laugh falling from her lips. "I want to believe that you care, Walter, but you have a funny way of showing it." She shook her head. "You fired me. And I know you had your reasons, but I'm still struggling to understand them. You couldn't stand to be around me because you're worried about me _protecting_ you? Do you understand how that sounds?"

It did sound odd when she said it like that. And deep down, he knew why. Paige deserved more than the safe explanation he was giving her.

"I-I can't…" Walter met her eyes. She'd been so in control, so stoic around him that he was surprised by the sadness in her expression. He had broken Paige Dineen's heart. The one outcome he was so desperate to avoid. "I don't know how to be around you. Right now."

"Why?"

 _She's already gone. You have nothing to lose by telling her now._ "Because…I'm in love with you." Her features crumbled and Walter drew all of his willpower to continue, because it seemed unfair to leave it there. That, in itself, was not an answer to her question. "A-And I've wanted to be with you for so long. But you don't. I wish that I was emotionally developed enough to have you in the garage every day, k-knowing that, but…but I'm not."

He didn't know how she was going to respond. She could say that she loved him too, that she'd meant every word of what happened in space, but Walter knew better than to hope for that. She could get angry, accuse him of attempting to manipulate her. Or she could simply give him that sympathetic look he knew, one that indicated she cared about him but would never feel the same.

None of those things happened. "I got a job. In Arizona," Paige said, exhaling loudly. Her eyes fluttered shut. "I just got the call this morning. That's why I was on the phone for so long."

"I thought…with Elia…" Walter wasn't even capable of formulating a full sentence.

"He recommended me. It's with one of his subsidiaries." She shrugged, glancing away from him. "It's a great opportunity for me, Walter. They'll pay for me to finish school. There's an excellent internship program for Ralph, too. I haven't formally accepted it, but…"

"But you're planning to," the genius finished. _Well, you knew she was already gone. You just didn't know how far._ He shuffled his feet on the concrete patio, pushing his hands into his pockets. "No, it makes sense. You have an impressive skill set. Any company would want you."

 _Except yours._ Walter read the implication in her stare, even though she didn't say it. "I think I need a fresh start. So much has happened here." Her eyes were shining, the very beginnings of tears clouding her vision, and she blinked to clear them. "I'm grateful for everything you've done for us, Walter. You can talk to Ralph, anytime you want. And I'll make arrangements for him to visit you." She angled her wrist to wipe away the moisture, sniffling quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." He wracked his brain for the right words, even though he was fairly sure there was no worn path for their situation. No manual for what to do after he'd given her the final, irrevocable shove out the door. "I'm happy for you," he managed.

"Thank you."

"When would you leave?"

"In about two weeks." Paige bit her lip. "Enough time for Ralph to get everything in order."

It wasn't Portland, but he supposed it might as well have been. It wasn't the garage, where Paige and Ralph belonged. With him. He'd spent so long trying to do the right thing for them, they were about to slip from his grasp.

There was another pause, and then Paige mumbled something he couldn't understand, moving to pass him back toward the entrance.

 _You have nothing left to lose if she stays, and everything to lose if she doesn't._ His hand landed on her arm—he wasn't even sure he was in control of it—and stopped her. "Paige, wait."

"It's late, Walter, and I really just want to—."

"Please." She withdrew her arm, but sighed and nodded. "You deserve to be in the best place for you. And I can't…I would never…I'll never try to hold you back." The genius inhaled sharply, feeling almost lightheaded. "I pushed you toward this. I pushed you away. That's what I do. B-But I can't make the same mistake again. Turn down the job."

Her expression morphed from irritated to confused to startled, and she reached up to run a hand nervously through her hair. "What are you doing?"

"I didn't stop you from going to Portland. I didn't stop you from going to Tahoe. And I can't tell you how much I've regretted both of those decisions." Paige looked skeptical. He wasn't surprised. She had no idea how often he'd circled through other outcomes in his head, followed the consequences of each potential action. He didn't think there would be another chance. "You'll make the best choice for yourself. You always do. But this is me, finally a-asking you to stay. If you do, I can't promise that everything will be easy or t-that I won't disappoint you, but I will find a way to prove that you made the right decision."

Paige stared at him in stunned silence. It was unfair and selfish to demand an answer right away. He'd burned her too many times for her to give up everything now. "Uh…" He cleared his throat. "I'll go talk to Ralph."

She was so beautiful in this light, so much more beautiful than he remembered when she was gone, and Walter wished he could kiss her. He settled for pressing his lips to her cheek, one hand drifting down to her wrist and feeling her pulse jump wildly.

The genius pulled back, letting his thumb smooth over her warm skin before he released her. "Goodnight, Paige."


End file.
